why you don’t need a “doula bag”

 The month of May brought five beautiful births and five sweet babies. Earlier this week I spent my day in the office seeing expecting mamas as a student midwife. My client sent me an exciting message in the early morning that she was experiencing bloody show and had an appointment today. I knew this text meant today would be the day as this tends to be how her labor usually begins. I can’t express enough the importance of continuing your normal day (close by) when you get a heads up from clients. So, when I left the office I took a sun nap and continued with my dinner plans. It was a lovely birthday celebration. Just as we finished our meal and conversation my client sent a screenshot of her contraction pattern, which was enough for me to offer to head her way.

My bags are packed and ready to go—with an extra change of clothes, snacks, a phone charger, rebozo, a book to read, iPad, chapstick and tennis shoes to replace my rain boots once we got to the hospital—but no doula bag. As a doula of seven years I have learned that what I bring is so much more than a bag of trinkets to try and comfort the mother. Labor is intense and while a huge part of labor support is helping the mother cope with the intensity of each surge, we are not there to magically make everything better. Instead we are there to walk with her through the fire and remind her of the power within her.

What we bring is also so much more than the items we can physically put into a bag. We bring our presence, fully engaged within the birth space leaving everything from the outside world, well outside. Our energy should be calming and reassuring for the mother. We don’t carry in expectations, other births, or what’s happening in our lives. We simply leave everything energetic at the door. When we walk in we are ready to hold space and let go of time.

Tending to yourself as a doula is a must. We cannot pour from an empty cup. I cannot wait to share the things that have carried me through this work without burn out for almost an entire decade but I know a huge part of it has been honoring myself. Which makes me recount the times where I did not care for my needs and am certainly humbled. Your life reflects the way you serve women in birth. You should strive for peaceful grounded moments before heading in to a mother’s. I once heard of a midwife who would dip into the pool for a swim when she got called to a labor. We have to stay regulated and nourished. This goes before, during and after births, long or short. In fact, the most of what I bring to births are for me. As I stated before they are essentials to keep me going during any length of labor.

Well, you may be wondering, if you don’t pack a “doula bag” how to you doula at the birth. My answer is pretty simple; being fully present with the mother, my hands as gentle soothing touch, and my voice as advocacy. I was at a birth recently where the first hour in the hospital became a battle for my clients right to refuse an IV and use hydrotherapy in labor. This was much less like a battle, and more like a series of questions and reasoning with a very unreasonable charge nurse. Thankfully her nurse was an angle and helped sort everything out. I was so glad I could be there to gently advocate for her in such vulnerable moments. I don’t believe in ever speaking on a mother’s behalf but helping protect her space and rights is very much a part of what we do.

Hands on support is another huge aspect of my role as a doula. Nothing allows you to be more present than laying your hands on a mother’s back while she rides the waves of her contractions. I had another birth recently where I massaged her back through every surge, and almost every pause in between. I truthfully wasn’t sure if it were helping as she was extremely inward, but the baby was here she looked up at me to say how helpful it was. I have had births where a mother only wanted me to squeeze her hips for the 24 hours she had left in labor and a birth where the mother didn’t want anyone to touch or talk to her at all. 

This is why your presence is so important. Energy is extremely sensitive in labor. We must protect this energy but remaining calm, present, and deeply supportive for our clients. Present means you are off your phone, witnessing these moments quietly, and hold space. Even if the mother doesn’t need much physically, your presence is still quite the support for her. 

So much of this begins with serving women in pregnancy and shouldn’t end with the birth. The way we show up for women is so much more important than what’s in our doula bag.